A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letterfrom his mother asking him to send her a current photoof himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to lether know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts aphoto in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send apicture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picturein half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of thephoto. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent thewrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother'seyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weekslater he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says,"Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style...itmakes your nose look short!"
Link to joke: A man moves into a nudist...

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holdinga frying pan in hand.Man: "What was that for?"Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy" written on it?"Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horseraces? Marylou was the name of the horse I bet on."The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once againhe is bonked on the head.Man: "What's that for this time?"Wife: "Your horse called."
Link to joke: A man sat quietly reading his...

A man took his wife to the doctors.After a short examination the doctor said"Your wife's mind has completely gone!"To which the man replied "I'm not surprised.She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!"
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A man was complaining to a friend."I had it all. Money, a beautiful house, a BIG car, the love of a beautiful woman, then, POW! it was all gone!""What happened?" asked the friend."My wife found out."
Link to joke: A man was complaining to a...

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one morestep a car will run over you and you will die."The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him."Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?""I am your guardian angel," the voice answered."Oh yeah?" the man asked..."And where were you when I got married?"
Link to joke: A man was walking in the...

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Link to joke: A man went to the police...

A married man thought he would give his wife a birthdaysurprise by buying her a bra. He entered a ladies shoprather intimidated, but the girls took charge to help him. "What color?" they asked. He settled for white. "How much does it cost?" he asked. "Twenty dollars." "Very good," he thought. All that remained was the size, but he hadn't the faintest idea. "Now sir, are they the size a pair of melons? Coconuts? Grape fruits? Oranges?" "No," he said, "nothing like that." "Come on, sir, think. There must be something your wife's bust resembles."He thought long and hard and then looked up and said, "Have you ever seen a Spaniel's ears?"
Link to joke: A married man thought he would...

A merchant captain and several of his officers were returning to the ship after a big night ashore. As they climbed the gangway the captain threw up all over himself. Pointing to an apprentice seaman above him he shouted, "Give that man five days in the brig for vomiting on me!" The following morning the captain was checking the log and saw that the young seaman had been sentenced to ten days and asked the chief mate why. "Well Sir, when we got you undressed we found that he`d also shit in your pants."
Link to joke: A merchant captain and several of...

A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On theirwedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her newgroom, "Please be gentle... I am still a virgin." The startled groom says "How canthat be? You've been married twice..."The bride responds... "Well you see it was this way: My first husband, he was apsychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about sex. Catching her breath,she says "My second husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to dowas............. Oh God, I miss him!"
Link to joke: A middle aged man and woman...

A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies when his toupee slides off. As he's groping around for it, his hand goes between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.She says, "That's it! That's it!"He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side."
Link to joke: A middle-aged guy and his date...

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