Full list of jokes
"What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?""Popeye beat the shit out of him!"Link to joke: "What happened to the Pope when...
3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation.They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family aremourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a greatdoctor of my time, and a great family man."The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husbandand school teacher which made a huge difference in our children oftomorrow."The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say......LOOK, HE'SMOVING!!!!!"Link to joke: 3 buddies die in a car...
What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying "Newly translated from the original French: 37 mating positions." Noticing that the books were already wrapped in plain brown paper, I just hadda buy one. Once safely at home I opened it, out of sight of my wife, and found that I had just purchased an expensive book about Chess.Link to joke: What a rip-off. I went into...
I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning.""What is she doing?", the pal asks."Waiting for me to get home."Link to joke: I overheard a friend telling his...
A guy walks into a store and says to the managaer "why doesn't your store have a name", the store manager says "I haven't thought of one yet but I think u can help me, what's your girlfriend's name." The guy says "Jenny" then the store owner says "What's do you like most about Jenny" and the guysays "her legs." So the store manager says "ok that's what we'll call my store Jenny's Legs. Here's a coupon come back tomorrow morning and you can have a free drink." And the man says "ok."The next day the man comes back to the store banging on the window yelling " where's my free drink, where's my free drink!" Then a police officer comesup to him and says "What are you doing?" and the guy says "I'm waiting for Jenny's Legs to open up."Link to joke: A guy walks into a store...
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."Link to joke: A big-city lawyer was representing the...
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in- law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.The wife cried, "What are we going to do?""Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."Link to joke: A big-game hunter went on safari...
A blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts giving him a blowjob.He says to her, "Excuse me, aren't you Karen Carlton, and didn't you go to Cardozo High School in Detroit?""Yes. How'd you know?""I never forget a face."Link to joke: A blind guy goes into a...
A bloke came home and found his missus in bed with three blokes."Hello, hello, hello!" he screamed at them."Aren't you talking to me?" his missus snapped.Link to joke: A bloke came home and found...
A bloke wakes up in the middle of the night and rolls over and shoves an aspirin down his wife's throat. All of a sudden she wakes up and yells, "What the fuck are you doing?""Just giving you an aspirin for your headache." The bloke answered."But I ain't got a headache," she yelled back."Good then, Lets fuck!" said the bloke.Link to joke: A bloke wakes up in the...